


another old dog

by litra



Series: Episode snippets [5]
Category: For the People (TV 2018)
Genre: Character Study, Character Thoughts, Episode Related, Episode: s01e05 World's Greatest Judge, Gen, Podfic Welcome, hard choices, world's best judge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:32:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litra/pseuds/litra
Summary: Nick thinks about the hardest case he's had to preside over in what feels like years.





	another old dog

It's tough to teach an old dog new tricks, that's the saying isn't it...

There was a time when they were all young and reckless. Nick didn't tend to think of himself that way, but it was true. He remembered the bus into the city and how the absolute certainty burned through his veins those first few years when he was sitting in Seth Oliver's seat. That young man had learned a lot of hard lessons, and he had learned them well. He had seen the cost of gangs and violence and drugs on this city, his city, so often that it grated on the soul. 

People talked about the war on drugs like it was a battle with a decisive victor. Like it was a set of figures on a sand table.High generals, who'd never seen the trenches. He'd seen the trenches. He saw the trenches every time a cop got up on the stand in his courtroom- every time a junky got off by turning in his dealer or his distributor, or his source. 

He'd seen so much, and he hated it. That hate, felt righteous too, and that was the problem. 

He couldn't tell the difference anymore.

It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. People get set in their ways. They don't want to change, and even when they do, old habits die hard. 

Nick had seen other judges turn to drink or lose marriages for less. 

"You are rare," Tina had said, "Fair, You keep hot sauce in your desk."

Hot sauce, not a bottle of something old and strong. Hot sauce that he was willing to share. He wasn't sure which she meant.

"You do more staying on the bench then nailing yourself to this cross." 

Nick had always respected Tina. He wasn't sure if she was right. Or maybe she was right and the whole world was wrong. 

He'd fought so hard, for so long. This old dog, pulling itself to its feet for one more day... and one more... and one more. 

How long until he couldn't drag himself to his feet, or out of his bed? How long until he woke up, adn his bed was not only empty, but cold, the scent of her lilly shampo gone from the pillow? How long... 

How long until the cost was too high? 

He stood in front of the door to his office and breathed.

...

The cost for who?

Who would shoulder that cost? The poor not quite innocent man on trial surely. Nick had failed him.

...

Jill had talked about blind spots. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but sometimes... Even an old dog can learn from its mistakes. 

He had failed. and that was a cost he was going to have to carry.

And maybe Tina was right. Maybe the cost of this cross was actually the cost of a crutch against his own failure. If he was going to dole out the cost to others he better damn well be ready to shoulder some of his own. His bottle of hot sauce hadn't yet become a bottle of jack. 

The thing about blind spots was that once you realized they were there you could compensate. 

He took a breath, and walked down the hall towards the courtroom. Just another old dog, but he could still serve.


End file.
